How many times have you said what the hells he doing in front when operating a car. Be honest. We're always told there's no such thing as a perfect driver, but there are such things as perfect hypocrites, each and every last one of us! It's not something to be ashamed of, its the animal that's unleashed with the power of one little licence card in your pocket.
1) The Backseat Driver. The person who has the benefit of hindsight, and "I told you so" in reserve, is clearly the "perfect" driver, who we should all strive to emulate. They are certainly not a breed of self-righteous idiots who should be dropped off in the middle of absolutely nowhere. Everyone is guilty of doing it, but none more so than when someone starts up driving lessons. They take 5 lessons, and all of a sudden using neutral to save petrol, whilst leaving the hazards on isn't right and you should change it.
2) The "Pippers". These are Gods among us mortal drivers, who are provided with instruments to highlight every minor mistake made. These drivers, or Titans as they may prefer, have never used an indicator incorrect, always judge distances perfectly, and are straight off the mark when it goes on green.
3) The Followers. These are people who should really be titled professors. Not content with highlighting a mistake on the road, they take the time out of there day to follow the person to when they stop. They then proceed to gently chastise them on there error, and give lessons from there mighty store of wisdom on the subject.
4) The "right up the backside" drivers. Look into your rear view mirror and you may see such a driver, practically on your bumper. These drivers are so perfect, speed limits are a mere guide. Not only are they able to dispose on trivialities of maintaining the speed limit, they also have the power to transfer this to the individual in front, by getting as close as humanly possible. Not all other drivers have this celestial ability however, and so overtaking often ensues.
5) The Bully. These drivers, like cartoon bulls, are angered by the colour red. Particularly on a white background, and with the red in the shape of an L. Not ever having being as bad as the car displaying the red symbol, they feel it only right to take priority on the road, and display the qualities of a good driver. When said new learner stalls the car, the bully feels it only right to launch into a tirade, peep the horn, or overtake, as is there right as the perfect driver.
6) The lane hopper. These people have to priority on any road. Choosing the correct lane does not extend to these drivers, and they may switch lanes until there heart is content, to ensure they get as close as possible to the front of the queue. Every second counts, and that 5 seconds quicker to the red light is imperative to this driver's time.
7) The signal-less. These can be in two categories. The first is the telekinesis category, where we are expected to read the mind of said driver to obtain where they are going. Second is the priority driver, who don't need to signal, as whatever manoeuvre they choose is the right one. Pedestrians lives are secondary to the right of way of these drivers.
8) The gesticulators. These people use effective sign language to communicate effectively when another driver has irked them in any way. We've all looked to the car on the left to see a bright red face, mouthing of obvious obscene words, or the possible extension of a certain finger pointing in our direction. Or maybe that's just the response to this perfect driver.
Almost makes you want to use public transport.........almost.
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