Public Transport Commandments.

Public transport, where you bump into the s word. No, not that one, strangers. Despite being a sociable species of many languages, with many forms of greetings, the possibility of coming close to strangers makes everyone awkward. As always in this situation, a convention of etiquette is observed.


The one seat gap. It is acceptable to sit net to another person, if, and only if, every seat with a gap next door is taken. Any breaking of this rule will result in a huge British style tut, or various furious glances towards the window.


If the gap seat is taken by a bag, this is a huge cheat. This, along with sitting in the aisle seat, is a big breach of transport etiquette. Punishments include people glaring at the back of the head, and angry whispers on the topic, some possibly whispered just loud enough to hear, in a small show of opposition. Some brave member of the public may even stand next to the criminal, until said obstruction is removed.


You must stand near the door. When you enter the transport, standing away from the door straight away is just downright weird. Typically, this is seen on a bus, with as many people as possible congregating near the driver, just behind the "Do not disturb the driver" sign.


Music must be of an appropriate level. Loud music, aahhhh, this one makes my blood boil. It makes me so angry, I will go up and confront the person. In my head. If music is played loud, it must be terrible and annoyingly catchy, there is no in between.


Children must always cry. Silent children on buses only exists in a different universe. The screams must always be bone chilling, high pitched, and ear splitting. Feelings include cold fury for people next to said  child, to relief on the opposite side of the bus for the precious distance.


Sobriety. Drunk people and buses do not mix. If a drunk person is on the bus, they will be subject to ridicule, especially if a particularly sharp corner results in a not very pleasant ending. Loud drunks, particularly in groups, are treated with disdain, and a huge amount of caution from other passengers.


Eye-contact. A big no-no. You cannot, and must not, look to the person sitting next to you. This would bring the inevitable discomfort of the other passenger, who will treat you as a sociopath for the rest of the journey.


And the most important until last. Never talk unless necessary. We are on public transport to get from A to B. I am not a therapist, and I don't give an absolute sh** about a random person's personal life.


Maybe these should be on a stone tablet at the front of all transport.